“I call you by name”


I’m so happy and I’m so thankful it’s beyond words. I saw the Big Man just picking up the beautiful flower and giving it to me. I saw him “CMON THAT’S MY DAUGHTER” I saw him so proud. These 3 years has honestly been hell of a ride. I remember sitting in the toilet in year 1 praying telling God to help me love the people. I remember going to school early alone in the classroom praying. I remember walking into the school every morning telling God, “God you need to come. You NEED to come. You need to help all these people. Let your hand be upon this place.” almost every freaking day. I couldn’t care less if people were muslim taoist hate christian buddhist I don’t give a shit who cares I DONT CARE, I remember thinking to myself YOU GUYS GOTTA HEAR THE GOOD NEWS. I also remember my tired moments where I just can’t bring myself to school and I’m just so tired. I also remember I crazy just want to stay at home and spend time with God lol.

I remember Isaac just worshipping and I just saw people lifting Jesus up at lawn and I just started crying like dog in the classroom at cell with kat and alex around.

I remember during internship, God saw me through. Every. Moment. No less. He didn’t step away tho sometimes I FELT like He did. Every time I cried in the toilet, every time I cried in the bedroom. Every time I cried at the altar. Every victory, every praises from the guest, from my boss, from my supervisor. He was there, cheering me on. The only one who saw me through and through and didn’t leave me even when I had STUFF that were so inconvenient. He fights till I’m found. I couldn’t earn it in a million year. I don’t deserve it.  I can’t comprehend. I remember every time I got into trouble at work, He really covered my ass. Seriously…

Even till my last day of intern, there was so much grace. My supervisor freaking cruel left me alone in the lobby. ALONE. SERIOUSLY THE OFFICE ALL NOBODY OK. I got video as proof anw then my director came. Out of everybody my director. At work only 3 people got the authority to let me go home without kenaing anything. my director, my boss (Department head of concierge) and my other department head of rooms. of course director is the most big shot one. He walked past and asked me why am i there. right at the moment when im damn scared cos suddenly a group of men came in and like trying to fix something. i freaking swear i almost cry lol. then he told me to go home and waited for me to change and get my stuff and walked me out of the lobby. he usually not that nice btw hahahah or i think idk him personally or i just think everybody at work are snakes and cobras lol. im super thankful idk what to say

That day when I had interview I went to so many big ass places and I was literally like WOAHHHHHHHHH the entire time. I stepped inside Parkview Square and I literally lifted my head and saw the freaking huge ass beautiful building and the grand statue and the big ass flights of stairs that led me to the entrance of the building everything is so big and grand and just bigger than me and I really felt so small. When I went inside the building there were painting on the ceiling and it’s so so so high and the restaurant like for people who earn 10k per month and i just stood there and i woah and i opened my mouth and stood there and stone and just like took it all in and people were looking at me lol but i didnt care cos i was really like woah. then the security guard smile at me and like “here for interview?” and i was like “hahhaha ya” thinking i confirm look like some noob but who cares. then i went on for the rest of the interview it was all in super big big buildings with everybody in business shirts, office wear crossing the road. and i had to take lift with them and i feel so small. and i kept wanting to cry in the bus cos i felt so small, i saw the magnitude of things and how big the world is (it’s different from the awe when i see oceans and mountains. cos there’s SO MANY PEOPLE) but God still cared about me and right down to the smallest detail. He cares about my STUFF that I don’t even want to revisit. He is my God not only in the good times. He CARES about my future HE CARES IF I’D GET CAUGHT IN THE RAIN DURING MY INTERVIEW DAY. I TELL U I WOULD WALK INSIDE THE COMPANY DURING INTERVIEW AND IT’LL BE RAINING INSIDE AND WHEN I WALKED OUT THE RAIN WOULDVE STOP AND THE FLOOR IS WET. HE KNOWS WHAT MY HEART ACHES FOR AND HE KNOWS I STRUGGLE, HE KNOWS IM TIRED HE KNOWS IM HAPPY HE KNOWS. There were SO MANY people so busy, with business shirt walking here and there here and there, on their phone, walking fast. Big shots people who probably developed the business plans or whatever shit and earn prob like 10k per month fly to so many countries in 1 month, with masters but He still cares about me. He cares about me!!!!!! He knows and calls me by my name how crazy is that!!!!!! This doesn’t make sense!!!!!

That day I finished my interview and was sitting at BK with my sundae cos i very tired and just wanted to like sit and nua and people watch and waiting for bryee. Then there was this guy he was in the wheelchair I really dont know if he wants to move anywhere. But I think he is. And im so chicken i dont dare to ask him cos i scared idk what to do idk how he’ll react. but im just a chicken. So i just prayed and told God, God im a chicken could but could you please send someone to help him. I was a bit upset with so many people walking PAST AND NEVER EVEN SEE HIM THE HELL. And of course upset at myself for being a freaking chicken backside. then i saw everything unfold. this aunty was super nice, she just asked him without hesitating. then bought her stuff, went to her friend then went back to him and helped him move to the place he wanted. HE SERIOUSLY HEAR I TELL U.