I have so much to say. But I just want to firstly thank God for this life. I really wouldn’t be alive today to say this if it weren’t for Jesus. Really.

I hate birthdays so much because they just remind me so much of people coming and leaving my life. There were so much bad memories during my birthday, of people hurting me, letting me down and … just so much hurt in general that I can’t even explain. To be honest, I’m still very affected. I still think about those friendships, I still care very much for them. I still think about those lies, and words.

I don’t want any celebrations because of all the troubles/disagreement people have to go through. I feel like it’s not worth that much. Also, I don’t want to be dependable of celebrations/gifts. I like them. I like them so much. But I’ve build a wall between myself and them. So that I won’t feel the pain when someone forgets my birthday.

I’ll just be someone without birthday. The day I stepped into this world will just be unknown and let it be. But happy birthday myself. Good on you for pulling this far. 20.