There are things I can feed in my life to make me feel Empty . I could have all I can have in this world and I would still feel empty.
I feel that our generation struggles heavily on this issue. It IS an issue. If a feeling that you’re feeling is not uplifting or edifying, then there’s an issue. I know how that feels firsthand. Being someone who used to wake up in the middle of the night crying and bawling. Nothing is wrong, nothing is right either. I got so tired of life. Nothing could satisfy me. Having tons of friends, Instagram likes, money, watching romantic drama or even trying to do the best I can in school academically.
I wasn’t satisfied. Till the day, I decided that I wanted to end my life. Suicide was never the answer that I wanted. The best way I could describe how I felt was, being in a cinema theatre and watching a really bad movie. I’ve spent enough time to not back out, but I could have and I just keep staring at the “EXIT” sign. Till that day, I decided to walk towards that sign. But I still wanted to do the lat thing I could.
“God, if you’re real. Help me. Amen.”
I’ve been to church for 4 years with my heart filled with emptiness, disbelief, hatred, wrongs and absusive words. While walking to that “EXIT”, I stared at the movie. I knew there was more, hence that prayer. It’s like trying to throw that basketball into that basket when I’ve never played basketball before (pardon me for my abstract description but that’s exactly how I felt).
I saw the Father reaching His hands towards me. I saw light. Light unlike the lightbulb, unlike the ones at club, unlike the ones that I flick on and off. It was fill with hope, joy, peace. I stopped bawling and knew I had to go back home (church). Till this day, when I share with anyone about my testimony, I always pause and breathe for a while before I continue sharing about this specific part. I’m always in awe with how God is even interested in my life, that He came to my rescue. That at that point of time, it was just a Father and Daughter moment. He came back for me with open arms and said “Come take rest in my arms, Daughter.”
The movie took a huge turn.
To anyone who feels empty, my prayer is with you. You’ll get through this.
If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!
He’s a good Father. Just in case IF you happen to read this post, need someone to hear you out, someone to talk to, some prayer, some help, some love, some truth or even just to talk shit. Feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org So willing just as the Father is 🙂 I love you wherever you are. You got this because He got you.