Living Water

I remembered 1 of the bible stories that hit me the most was when Jesus was talking to a Samaritan woman by the well. Jesus then mentioned about the living Water.

I felt like that moment wasn’t Jesus trying to show who the heck He is. If He were to give so much heck and how biggie He was, He wouldn’t have walked under the stars He hold. It was a father and daughter moment.

A lot of times, I’m reminded of myself as the woman by the well. Trying to search and search, then there came Jesus searching for us. Knowing my past, future and present. Knowing what I did and coming to love me not just correct me.

Jesus didn’t care how “dirty” the woman was. He didn’t care which border He crossed. Who had been classified not to speak to or speak to. He didn’t care what others see or what others talk. Jesus didn’t care whether it was a scorching afternoon or not. Nobody draws water from the well in the afternoon, hence the woman was there because she felt shameful of herself and didn’t want any contact with people.

Love trumps everything.

Tonight, I’m just glad that I’m loved by someone who would come to me regardless of what season I’m in. I’m glad I’m loved by someone who wants a fisherman to follow Him instead of any big shot man (which btw, Jesus could have if He wants). I’m glad I’m loved by a King who would come down, take the keys over from Satan, bear the transgression on the cross, for me, for us. Where we are His joy set before Him.

Grace carried me so far, and by Grace I will carry on. 



“Build bridges, not fences”

I always hear people saying “Build bridges, not Fences”.

This journey of internship has taken me to a new level of how people can be so mean, selfish and pushing people who don’t really matter to the lowest of lowest. I don’t think they are evil. I don’t think they are evil. Deep down, no matter how mean people can be, I won’t EVER believe that they are evil in nature. Just from the fact that we are made in the image of God.

But the selfishness is a whole new level. I told myself I’m gonna live through this and not just survive. But it feels like I’m just scraping the surface. It feels like I’m living the dog life but being chained down. Can’t run, can’t do it’s potential. When somebody walks past, I pull off a few tactics just hoping for people to see the potential. Get a praise “good job” and off people go and I’m left chained.

I feel like nobody really cares. People just sits on the fences and not do anything. They ask “how are you” while they sit on the fence.

I kept wanting to cut people off cos nobody’s really genuine. I kept wanting to build fences around my heart. I cut people off from that hell hole. I can’t do what I’m called to. I’m incapable. The bridges comes with thorns and spikes. I can’t go there.

The wind is high, but the pressure’s off

Voyage – Amanda Cook

You’re afraid, but you can hear adventure calling
There’s a rush of adrenaline to your bones
What you make of this moment changes everything

What if the path you choose becomes a road
The ground you take becomes a home
The wind is high, but the pressure’s off
I’ll send the rain wherever we end up
Wherever we end up

Set your sights, sailing far beyond familiar
In the rising tide, you’ll find the rhythm of your heart
And lift your head, now the wind and waves don’t matter

I am the wind in your sails
I am the wind in your sails
I am the wind in your sails


He holds the world, He holds my heart

I remembered some time ago, when I spent time with my Dad. He brought me Himself, just right in front of Him. I had no words. I had so much to say at the same time, the littlest stories I’ve had, to the toughest, to the greatest to the casual, everything. But I remembered I was so in Awe.

No, I didn’t see His face. But merely His presence, I had to kneel. I knew He was the King above ALL Kings and the King of my heart. Then I was zoom out to the earth and zoom back to Him. I had nothing to say. No vocabulary could describe, no words I could have spoken. No exact words to describe how I feel.

When you’re in awe, there’s no words, no minds can fanthom. NONE.

Like a universe just exploded in my heart. All things good. For a glimpse, I caught why He said when He made the earth He saw that “it was good”.


He stops the raging waves, He also stops the raging thoughts in my mind.


There are things I can feed in my life to make me feel Empty . I could have all I can have in this world and I would still feel empty.

I feel that our generation struggles heavily on this issue. It IS an issue. If a feeling that you’re feeling is not uplifting or edifying, then there’s an issue. I know how that feels firsthand. Being someone who used to wake up in the middle of the night crying and bawling. Nothing is wrong, nothing is right either. I got so tired of life. Nothing could satisfy me. Having tons of friends, Instagram likes, money, watching romantic drama or even trying to do the best I can in school academically.

I wasn’t satisfied. Till the day, I decided that I wanted to end my life. Suicide was never the answer that I wanted. The best way I could describe how I felt was, being in a cinema theatre and watching a really bad movie. I’ve spent enough time to not back out, but I could have and I just keep staring at the “EXIT” sign. Till that day, I decided to walk towards that sign. But I still wanted to do the lat thing I could.

I prayed.

“God, if you’re real. Help me. Amen.”

I’ve been to church for 4 years with my heart filled with emptiness, disbelief, hatred, wrongs and absusive words. While walking to that “EXIT”, I stared at the movie. I knew there was more, hence that prayer. It’s like trying to throw that basketball into that basket when I’ve never played basketball before (pardon me for my abstract description but that’s exactly how I felt).


I saw the Father reaching His hands towards me. I saw light. Light unlike the lightbulb, unlike the ones at club, unlike the ones that I flick on and off. It was fill with hope, joy, peace. I stopped bawling and knew I had to go back home (church). Till this day, when I share with anyone about my testimony, I always pause and breathe for a while before I continue sharing about this specific part. I’m always in awe with how God is even interested in my life, that He came to my rescue. That at that point of time, it was just a Father and Daughter moment. He came back for me with open arms and said “Come take rest in my arms, Daughter.”


The movie took a huge turn.

To anyone who feels empty, my prayer is with you. You’ll get through this.

Matthew 7:11
If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!


He’s a good Father. Just in case IF you happen to read this post, need someone to hear you out, someone to talk to, some prayer, some help, some love, some truth or even just to talk shit. Feel free to email me at So willing just as the Father is 🙂 I love you wherever you are. You got this because He got you.


These days I found myself sitting at the feet of Jesus — my favourite Companion


I feel like I’m diluting who He is when I say He’s my companion. But at the same time I’m not, because He can be a companion when He wants to be, or when I need one, He can be my Father, He can be my King. Not that He changes His identity all the time but that He can be all of that all at the same time. Just when I open my heart and soul to see.

Companion also means: a person whom I spent a lot of my time with

Honestly, I don’t really spend a lot of time with Jesus but He’s my favourite companion.

These days, I feel like I’m just at winter. Waiting for spring to arrive. But I don’t want to camp out in a cave just waiting for spring to arrive and I know I’m not. But the cold is getting to me, it bites here and there. But I always find myself being safe and warm every time I turn my eyes on Jesus.

After a day at work, I just feel like the weight of the world is upon my shoulder. I feel so heavy even when nothing happens. Somehow, I think it’s the effect of having nothing to do at work that causes my brain activity to be so active. But on the other side, this had been a trying season for me. I think it’s getting better, my head is getting clearer, my heart is beginning to not keep yearning and yelling to be understood but to understand more, my ears shuts a little to unedifying words, my mouth shuts a little to what the bible quote Ephesians 4:29 — don’t say stupid stuff, say encouraging stuff in layman terms.

I’m doing well. The Father is delighted. I constantly have to try to remind myself that. every time I come in touch with the Father, all I want to do is to just cry my heart out and do nothing. Because I know He’s the only one, ONLY one who truly listens out to my heart cry, my needs, my wants, my concerns, my worries, my anxiousness and all that I have to say and pour out. The good and the bad. Regarding ministry or not. He listens and takes it all, not leaving out any part. But continue teaching me, not giving up. Continues being delighted in me because of who I am and that is His daughter and not what I do.

If His love were to be on par with what I’ve did, it’ll never never EVER come close.


But I’m glad He calls me His daughter, and as for me “I will always hope in Your faithfulness”.



Side tracking a little, God seriously hears the little of the littlest thoughts of mine. Not even prayer (not saying you shouldn’t pray). A few days ago, I was asking around does anybody knows any worship songs that has similar tunes as Norah Jones. Nobody knew anything, but Sean Feucht’s new album is … OMG. Shakaba.

Aimless, is not bad all the time.

Sometimes if you’re aimless, it pushes you to seek. It’s good when someone is actively seeking. Because it says, seek and you shall find. The Father is not mysterious but what I do know is He would gladly walk the journey of seeking with you.

And all that you’re gonna find is more than what you wanted to JUST seek for. You find yourself under the cover of the Father, with peace, joy and love.

It’s okay to be aimless. Just know that there’s a Father who’s patient to work it out with you.


Day 70

It’s been Day 70 since I’ve started internship.

It’s been a journey that’s taking me a lot to be the person I’m called to be. But it’s been a great stretch for myself. I’ve met shit people and people who inspires me so much. Both inspires me actually, just in a different way.

Everyday I learnt things and learn what kind of person/manager not to be in the future.

Today we had town hall meeting. I felt like I can see my future. Like a sneak peak. It’s looking good. I feel like my voice can be heard. God’s got my back. It felt like Psalms 139 just flash before my eyes today.

Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit?
    to be out of your sight?
If I climb to the sky, you’re there!
    If I go underground, you’re there!
If I flew on morning’s wings
    to the far western horizon,
You’d find me in a minute—
    you’re already there waiting!
Then I said to myself, “Oh, he even sees me in the dark!
    At night I’m immersed in the light!”
It’s a fact: darkness isn’t dark to you;
    night and day, darkness and light, they’re all the same to you.

13-16 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
    you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
    Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
    I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
    you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
    how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
    all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
    before I’d even lived one day.

“Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I’d even lived one day.”

Can you imagine how tight my future is when I’m in God’s hand??? I don’t know how God works but He got me GOOOOOOD. I CAN’T WAIT. Till the day my voice can be louder. To lend a hand to those who are broken, helpless and bring joy and HOPE.

I want to be a message of hope, joy, peace and LOVE in this industry. I want Your light to shine so brightly in this industry God. Let me be the game changer. I am the game changer. Cmon.